One month into the New Year & I’ll bet that most of us have already given up or failed with our New Year’s Resolution. Leaving us with negativity and feeling like a huge failure. If you read my last post, you know that for the most part, I gave up on resolutions.
I wanted to make changes before the New Year, so that when that time came around, I could make that, a day to celebrate the new me. The fact is. I failed miserably. I was going to fast, and pray diligently; asking & expecting God to change me. I failed the first week. Not only once, but a few times. And because I gave in to my temptation and broke my fast, I figured why keep trying. It’s too late. God hate’s me and has left me.
It’s been a mess. Crying. Sad and depressed. Confused. Irritated. Feeling alone, & forgotten. Feeling helpless and useless. Failing again for the 1000th time. Mixed with turning 51 & feeling a mid life crisis coming on. I pretty much gave up on the change I was seeking, and as usual, took my anger at myself, out on God for not giving me some kind of instant miracle. (After all, he did deliver me from smoking and drinking literally overnight 1 year and 2 months ago, so I was going to expect it). And that is exactly what Satan wanted to happen. He is very good at deceiving us into believing that it’s God’s fault or that he doesn’t love us or hear us. The fact is that Satan would really like me to give up on God completely. And although I stop praying or reading the bible for a while, Giving up on God just isn’t going to happen. My God loves me regardless of my stupidity and for that I love him, depend on him tremendously, and keep praying for deliverance again and again and again, not only for me, but for family, friends and those I came into contact with that day.
We really should stop focusing on an immediate change, and focus on changes we made over the course of the last year or years. Change comes slowly. Especially if your dealing with an addiction, habit or sin that you have been holding onto for years and possibly decades.
Maybe there wasn’t much or any change. Life? Full of surprises. Things? They come along that are beyond our control. Pain? Love? Hurt? Sickness? Death? Chaos? Good or bad. Life just gets in the way, and there are things that we just can’t control.
God knows how difficult it is. He knows it will take you years or maybe even decades to rid yourself of it. He knows that you will give into it, most likely more then once, and maybe even as I have, a thousand times. I know that as long as we just keep pushing forward with God in our lives that everything will work out for the good. Does it mean that the good will happen in this life? Maybe.. maybe not. Continue reading