, , , , ,

lovewinsImagine living in a world where you are not able to love, not be in a romantic or intimate relationship, not have a family. A world where you are always made to feel less then or the worst of. A world where you could make a difference, but not allowed. A world where you are not even allowed to love God or follow Jesus. A world where God’s love and forgiveness is for everyone, except you. Then imagine the sadness of not being able to change your feelings and realizing that you have no choice in who you are attracted to.

Gay people all across the United States are celebrating the Supreme court ruling on gay marriage. And the very same day, Christians, Governors, etc are already fighting back. The Governor of Texas stating that this will not be allowed in his state.

The passing of this law wasn’t about the gay community getting back at or defeating Christian’s or religion. In fact many of us have true and deep spiritual beliefs. It doesn’t prevent you from holding true to some of your ridiculous beliefs and convictions. This was about America. What a great country we have. A country that has evolved around so many issues that have only made us better and stronger.

This is not going to end marriage. Some of you have done that on your own. This will not ruin the sanctity of your marriage. It won’t even affect most of your lives. It only will, because you have such a hatred for Gays, that you will make it that way. Just as you do the Jews, the Muslims, the African Americans, those who have abortions, etc..etc.. You just can’t let it go. It doesn’t have to affect you. Most of you have no idea what it is like to be criticized your entire life just for being who you only know how to be… did you choose to be heterosexual? Nope.. Neither did we choose to be us. It just is.

[Let me say here.. Forgive me for my use of foul language and hatred at this point] I apologize, but after all.. this is my space and my blog, and these are my thoughts at this very moment. Just keeping it real, and to thine own self.  I should be celebrating, but I have anger in my heart today, and I am sorry.

I also have to say Thanks. I am a very lucky person to have found the church community that I have. There are always the few, but the many are loving, wonderful people that have never made me feel unwanted or unloved for who I am. Love you guys and thanks for loving me at my worst or my wackiest.

As a gay man, you would think I would be all for this Gay Marriage Equality, but I am torn. Torn between what I know to be true and what I don’t know to be true.

What is true is that I have been shunned and ridiculed my entire life for being gay. Harassed in the hallways at school. Afraid to go into the men’s room or the school locker room. Afraid of being excommunicated from my church. Had terrible things and threats yelled at me from a passing car, or people passing me by on a sidewalk. Chased down by some Marines who wanted to beat me up and possibly kill me for being Gay, narrowly escaping. Having my car window bashed in for having a pride sticker on the back of my car. Treated by churches that I can’t be a true follower of Jesus. That I am not allowed, that I can’t be a leader. Being treated kindly by fakes.. people just being nice to save face for their friends, or their congregation. All of that, makes this a huge win for us. To finally say.. F YOU!!! for your hatred. For your evil thoughts and actions towards me, towards us… We are equal to you.. All we want is to be loved, as you do.

When you oppress people and continually push them down and into the ground, eventually they will burst and things will blow up.. They will give back to you, what you have been giving to them for decades and decades. You will receive back all the hatred you spewed. Remember the looting and riots in Baltimore. African Americans have had enough and they blew up. Pretty soon the Hispanic population will have had enough and blow up. Every war starts with hatred.

But I am also torn, because although most Christian’s think the Bible is very clear on all of this. It isn’t. I am torn at what the truth really is. Is it okay. Is it not. Did Jesus also shed his blood to cover all of this as well? Can I get married and God will still love me and accept me into his kingdom? or if I do, will he tell me, “I never knew you”?  I myself am very annoyed with God and his bible. It isn’t clear. Pastors and members, all can say it is.. but it isn’t. Why do you think there are so many religions and break offs of religions. So many arguments back and forth? BECAUSE IT ISN’T CLEAR. IT ISN’T CUT AND DRY!!! STOP using it to punish us, and to discipline us because it makes you feel better about yourself.. thinking that you did what Jesus would have done..

I wish that Radical Christians/Religious people would stop using the Bible to hate. To stop sending people to hell. THAT IS NOT YOUR CHOICE. And as I wrote a few months ago, “YOU DON’T GET TO DEFINE WHAT MY WALK WITH GOD LOOKS LIKE..” Only God gets to make that choice. I wish those who claim to follow Jesus would start obeying His largest commandment, which is love. Love always wins. Loving those you don’t understand would change so much in this country. Not everyone has to be 100% right. How about you just love, accept, forgive and invite those you don’t understand into your world. You would be amazed at the change, not only in your heart, but in ours, in theirs. God told you to love. Stop spewing your incessant BS… All it does is turn people away. You aren’t spreading any good news about any gospel, such as you were told to do.

Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand? You radicals are the main reason this country is turning away from God. Nobody wants to be a part of a God who hates them, who wants to control them by incessant rules, laws and regulations!!! most of which were abolished in the New Testament!! Hatred Loses… only LOVE WINS!!!

I wish people would wake the fuck up and realize the struggle that they have put us through. You should know that the cause of many of our addictions to sex, drugs and alcohol; our constant need to find love in all the wrong places and our continual thoughts of suicide is due to Christianity/Religion and how it has treated us. It has been drilled into our psyche that we are not loved by God and we are doomed to Hell. Not only the Fags, but anyone who doesn’t fit your agenda. The black person, the illegal, the prostitute, the thief, the homeless person. This is why so many have said to you.. Go to hell.. I want nothing to do with you or God and neither will my children. They will forever be lost and can NEVER be saved. All because you chose hatred over love. That blood you have all over you now.. isn’t the blood of Jesus. It’s the blood of murder. The blood of those innocents that you sent to hell.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of having to fight or explain my side of life. Mind you, we have not had it as tough as the African American community, but I can understand their struggle a bit. The same day we are celebrating this huge win, we are forgetting the loss of those nine black lives who are being buried. What we have gained, they are still battling their fight for true equality. Again, love could change everything.

With the equality of marriage and gay pride events being celebrated all over the world, I also would like to re-share my thoughts from last year on Pride to give you another look at our side of life. Why Gay Pride? Does Religion Have a Role to Play?

Am i angry? YES!!  should I be celebrating? Yes.

America.. please stop. The only thing that works is love, discussion and compromise. The very same three ideals that work in a marriage.. We are all one people. We all come from the same blood line. We are all family, and we should all treat each other with that same respect. We should want to save all that are lost. Am I perfect? Heck no.. With hatred in my heart? And due to a recent event this past week that injured a friends love of church, I have a lot of hatred and anger towards people I love and am just trying to get thru this life and trying to understand it all.

But one thing I know to be true…. LOVE WILL ALWAYS WIN!!!!!!!!!

Please help me out and rate this post below. Thanks & God Bless!!.

The strongest Christian is the one who is Gay or other marginalized person and is willing to walk into church every week, show up for Bible Study, join in church activities, knowing that they may be persecuted for what they say, what they do, how they dress, how they act, or simply by just being there and simply being them in their brokenness. That is the strongest love for God that I know.